Tuesday, August 10, 2010

And the Muse sparks again

For far to long
I sat alone
Begging for company,
Company of the heart

Trying to hold my world together
But watching it fall apart

Life was never easy
They've drilled into my head
I wanted to run away to hide
From the monsters under the bed

But being a child
Ended long ago
The time to grow up
Was here!

And though I’ve never felt that strong
I learned to show no fear

Why must every test,
Be harder than before
Trying my best to hold on
Though I’m sprawled upon the floor

The fear of love
Can be overwhelming
However the fear of loss
Can consume

Could you live never knowing
Never seeing true love bloom

I never thought to see the world
With my eyes opened anew
Never thought to hear those words
To say that I Love You

I sit here all aglow
Knowing it feels complete
And when the mist rises
And I can see the end

Knowing now why I wasn’t happy
Why I just couldn’t pretend

For pretending only hides the truth
It covers up your eyes
Making you vulnerable
To this world of hurtful lies

You are my silver lining
In this black cloud I call my life
You make me believe I’m stronger
That I shouldn’t give up this fight

And in this dark existence
I finally I found my light.

And yet again Sir you rob me of my sleep! Love You!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

"Did you say it in time? Did you say it out loud?" Jewel - satisfied

My muse refused to sleep! I had to say it!


Today I sit,
With hopes and fears
Smiling brightly,
Through my tears
Wondering how,
This could be
How someone like you,
Actually met me

Though I hide,
Behind this wall
Trying to avoid,
That painful call
And for a time,
I've had this feeling
Everyday it grows,
More appealing

I bite my tongue,
And look away
Knowing not,
The words to say
For I fear that,
If I slip
I'll never get,
To take that trip

The one I've waited,
For far to long
To find the heart,
And sing our Song
To take my hand,
And not look back
To find the love,
That we both lack.

And here you are,
Your heart open to me,
And truth be told,
I've never felt so free.
So take my hand,
As we climb above
Heal our wounds,
And learn to love.

When I begged you not to hate me. Finding that you loved me was honestly the furthermost thing from my mind. And your right, I've almost said I loved you a few times. I fought myself many times to shut my mouth. Because I believe that even if it never got to that point I would accept being happy enough to just be a small part of your life. Even if only a pixel on a screen. As of late I would end our phone calls staring at the screen asking myself why was I such a pansy to not say it. Then even worse, the Tuesday when they played that slow song at the bar, made me want to ball my eyes out.. Jewel's "Satisfied". If you get time you should listen to it once, you'll know why instantly.
When you said those words tonight, I can't even begin to explain the surge of emotions that flowed through my heart. I was speechless, because here I was waiting for the right time. Then in my moment of need not only were you there, but you expressed the one emotion I've been praying you shared. Even now, I feel like running outside in the rain to dance and to cry. Because I'm so happy just knowing that my emotions are shared that every sensation right now is overwhelming.
I couldn't sleep because, well what was that phrase. You long not to sleep because even your dreams can't be this good!

I Love You!